Monday, December 22, 2008

Being a Girl

You know, there are days when I hate being a girl. You have to deal with retarded hormones and periods and shit. But, on the plus side, you also get breasts and weird baby addictions.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


Does having a girlfriend make you gay?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

How do you spell your name, darling? Abbey, Abby, Abbie? Oh, well, that's not important. I'm writing to let you know that I do this thing with friends every once in a while, and it's something that I think is kind of fun but doesn't really do it for me. However, my best friend seems to really enjoy it, so I'm still doing it. She's already said I didn't have to, but I'm mostly staying because I want to hang out with her if I have the opportunity, plus I might be a little jealous. (Truth be told, I actually do enjoy it sometimes, too, so it's not just that.)

Forever yours,


P. S.

How bad are little white lies?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Dr. Freud, are you in, sir?

Paging Dr. Freud?

I had a dream several years ago that I was taking my step-dad for a walk (in a walk-the-dog way, leash and collar), and he looked up at me, (he was on the ground, all quadruped and everything) and started barking. I woke up to the sound of my roommate retching in the bathroom next door, the same noise I had heard in my dream.

Friday, December 12, 2008


There's something about wearing red underwear that puts me in a better mood. Even if they're just plain old bikini briefs, I have this sort of, 'Oh, yes, if anyone were to be looking at my underwear, they would discover I am a real partier underneath, and also that red is my favorite color.' A few years ago I told mom not to bother getting me undies with crazy designs and stuff, because no one was going to see my exciting panties but me and she told me that that was what made them totally awesome.

I get that now.

(I was very polite the other day, and when my mother told everyone that whether or not I was taking typing classes was open to everyone who was my parents, I very carefully did not point out that my step-father was in no way biologically related to me.)